ytd was a really sad day for me... After school, took pics with le3 and some other students.And spent 3 hours training the new teacher So I couldn't go out with my kids. Sigh... I really miss them. was really really touched by all they had done for me, the letters, vanguard, whiteboard and gifts. I really do love each & every one of them like my younger siblings.

I left le1, le3, and le4 a letter each. I really really will miss them! Poor Nabilah and Syafiqahwere crying... Please don't cry my dears...

Amy, thanks for your letter, I was really touched. I thought you really disliked me! thanks so So much...

I told myself I wouldn't Cry, because I don't want the last impression of me to be a sad one. I want them to remember a happy teacher!

More than a teacher, I really wanted to be a friend, sister,advisor and confidante... I wished I didn't resign really...

But my dears, please understand okay? I just really need to rest for awhile. Although every time I step into a class, I have to be positive and cheerful, I do have my own share of problems and burdens that weigh on me. Teaching comes with alot of responsibility. I was really getting very tired, so my closed ones suggested I take some days oft. But I'm not allowed to do that, So my only solution was to resign...

when I know I don't have the potential to teach you the best I know how, I knew I had to Leave. But I'll try my best to come back often for relief duties So I'll get to see you guys soon! Please take care always, and contact me frequently! You guys have really added sunshine to my life, & I will never ever regret spending the time and effort teaching you...I'm really glad to see that some of you are changing for the better ! I have faith in you guys!

take care always! you guys made 2007 extraordinary! I'll never forget the times we Shared !

all my love, Ms Ng<3

P.S. I'll be checking in & tagging your blogs from time to time!


kaela @ 10:30:00 PM


2nd last day tdy... sigh... i really will miss them! Some part of me don't want to leave but I know if I stay, I'll just burn out...


kaela @ 9:32:00 AM


sigh.

life just isn't looking up my way.

i need a break, i need to go away somewhere for awhile...


kaela @ 11:01:00 PM


i'm in sch now!! having free periods so i can blog away=) hmmm i'll be quitting on friday, so i pretty much have nothing to do now, since all the work's been prepared for alr=) hmmmm i guess i really will miss them really. haha maybe not 2n2 and 1n1,cause they really drive me nuts. gave 3 yellow forms to 3 1n1 girls ytd who always go mia from my class, and come back wih some weird and random excuses. terrible people=/

will be seeing 2n2 later, think i'll bring along a couple of yellow forms. haha=/

hmmm i've really been slacking in my blooging,but my internet's down at home no idea why=/ and the only place i can access the internet is in school. but i don't really have many free periods.

quite happy that i'm leaving tdy. really looking forward to the camp next week,will take it as my holiday=) eunice and jo are in thailand now on holiday, i'm so envious! i'm leaving cause i feel really tired of teaching, the long hours i spend preparing and marking work, up to 3am almost everyday for last week, and still having to put up with problematic kids in school who have no motivation to learn whatsoever and always go mia from class.

but the poor teacher will have to deal with my very messy table=/ there are rolls upon rolls of project pieces sticking out from under my table and on the shelf. there are so many things under my table, i can't fit my legs in=/ i hope she's a fierce enough teacher to be able to deal with 2n2 and 1n2 and 1n1. the rest of the classes are pretty okay i guess.

zzz.. went to sim to apply for the business course ytd... took plenty of random pics with qiu and liy which i will upload as soon as my internet connection is up again. okays keyboard giving problems again, will post back soon=)


kaela @ 9:39:00 AM


sigh. on monday night i marked through 1e2's papers, and initially, i was quite glad because they were doing well. however, i soon realised that they cheated, because their answers were identical. and copied from the textbook. i was really really upset, and so on tues, i went to class to question them.

it was really disappointing... huimin, the top student in my previous test, not only copied, but failed as well. grace too. she is a really good student, and i'm surprised she cheated. so i called them out and questioned them. called out aloysius too, whose paper was unrespectedly cruched and crimpled, and amy who drew a big question mark over her paper, refusing to give the page a shot.

so after pulling people out, i felt so tired and disapinted, i just told the class, that whoever cheated in one way or another, to stand up and own up. to my despair and disbelief, the whole class, save for 2 students, stood up. i definitely wasn't expecting this kind of numbers. sigh. makes me feel like a totally useless teacher, 10 weeks of hard work wasted. they didn't need me as their teacher. they only needed to have their tb during the paper.

i din't want to write down their offences in any form that could hold a record. so i wrote a 31-word long sentence and told them to copy it 500 tomes by wed morn, and hand it to me personally before the bell goes. and not only that, they were to get theiir parents to sign above every page they wrote. since the whole class cheated, i couldn't possibly key in their results, and i couldn't possibly reset a test and have them take it and mark by wed 2 pm. i was at a total loss.

for the 2 periods, i just stared at them with disaapointment. my heart ached so badly, but i restrained my tears. i got them to write their reflections... some of them expressed remorse, while others simply blamed the relief teacher for not being able to control the class well.

sigh. i feel so discouraged really... for 10 weeks i gave the best i could. just 1 day i was really sick with intestinal infection, they tuen out like this. meaning they nvr once had any respect for me. one of the girl's parents even wrote a letter to complain about ht epunishment, threatening to take action.

i read some of their blog posts too. and they really hurt me. this one pierced me bad.

hello people (:just came home from choir .WAHLAO .350 lines leh !and i haven't started .hais .RAWR lahhs .STUPID MISS NG SHU HUI .i'm not influenced by him .she keeps thinking that i'm influenced by him .and that i cheated in the test .practically the whole class did .but i didn't larh !then she say i changed .i never changed .i've always been VALERIE LUA YU LING .and then she make him sit farfar away .purposely one lor .wan spoil my mood also no need spoil until like that mahs .then she say wan call my mum tell my mum about me having a bf .like , it's not even her problem lahs .and my mum already know in the first place .and she never object lor .so who is she to object ?dam freaking PISSED lahs just now .hais .then summore tell me what ,don't mix with him too often .what in the world lahs .and how in the world did she know anyway ?hais .i better stop here .later i don't do the 350 lines then she say i kana influenced again .KNS .

sigh. her bf is the naughtiest one in class, and val was one of my best girls. she's not doing so well mnow, and i was afraid it was the influence. she's a really sweet girl, yet she blogs with so much angst and hatred, unlike her sweet personality in sch. so i movedd aloysius away, and spoke to her nicely, asking her to work hard and not follow them in their bad behaviors. sherlyn comes to sch late with wrong earrings, coloured contaces and a miniskirt, and she's val's best friend. and sherlyn mixes with the terrible 2n2 students. how can i not be worried for val? yet she blogs abt me in such a fashion. it really disheartens me. although it's alr 3 plus am, i still can't sleep.

i think i'll be quitting soon. i don't think i have what it takes to be a good teacher. i'm pretty much useless in everything i do anyway.

wrote 1e2 a long letter explaining why i punished them. i'll type it out, since i can't slp anw.

dearest 1e2,
i have not been a good teacher to you. i should not have fallen sick and left you with a relief teacher, i really do not want to punish you with 350 lines, but i need to let you know the seriousness of your actions. i have to submit a report to the vice principal too. i know by now many of you would have been cursing and swearing at me, or just defiantly refusing to write the lines. it's okay. so long as you do realise cheating is a really serious offence, and it could ruin your future. all of you are bright students and i definitely would not want to see that happen some day.

from the reflections that you have done, i know some of you are truely remorseful. However i do know some of you do not really mean what you say. some of you bore anger and resentment towards the relilef teacher. you see class, whether or not the teacher is strict, doesn't actually determine how naughty you should behave. Furthermore, being honest in a test is all about integrity and respect. integrity and espect for the paper, the setter, me, yourselves, and your parents who brought you up. all that doesn't change because of one lax relief teacher. nve let your values be swayed by temptation, or you will find yourselves in trouble.

i love your class, even after the big disappointment. i hate giving you such a harsh punishment, but at least it will not go into your records. i just want you to remember how serious this isa and not to commit such an offence again. for those of you who stoon up to be united, unity is about excelling as one, not allowing others to pull you down. i believe 1e2 is a good class. i see lots of potential here! i was very sure you would have done well in the test without cheating.

However this incident has made me feel really tired. all 10 weeks of effort i spent, preparing powerpoints, printing slides, searching for resources, marking, motivating, working late into the nights and weekends, have gone down the drain. although yes, i do so for all my classes, but i really believed in your class. however i feel that my efforts are unappreciated, and i am not respected as your teacher.

besides being your teacher, i tried to be your friend, advisor, and guardian, spending time with you, getting yo know you. in fact, 1e2 is the class i feel closest to. but after seeing all this, your ugly comments on some of your blogs, i relaly feel very disheartened. i wasn't trying to judge or change or make life difficult for you, nor do i prefer girls to guys as hong ting claims. i do not like splitting grace and huimin, i adore them. i do not want to split aloysius and valerie. i do not want to move ruiquan. i think you guys are special the way you are. however, i observed some changes and attitudes set in the wrong direction and feel pressed to help guide you back. even though i am but you history teacher.

i'm sorry class. i really feel so disheartened by the incident and your reflections and stinging blog posts. i do not think i can go on teaching the best i know how. this would not be fair to you, because you deserve the best. so i'll be leaving. i gues many of you will be glad to know that. so i just wanted you to know that you guys rock. term 1 was fabulous with you guysm and no other class can replace you. so be good and study hard, and please don't cheat anymore. i'll miss you guys, you'll be in my prayers. all the best for your studies in Dunearn.

Love, Ms Ng.
21 March 2007
2.45am.


kaela @ 2:45:00 AM


love this song!! =) the lyrics are meaningful, the music is light and happy=)

Way Back Into Love by Hugh Grant and Haley Bennett
Soundtrack of Music and Lyrics Movie by Hugh Grant and Drew Barrymore

I’ve been living with a shadow overhead
I’ve been sleeping with a cloud above my bed
I’ve been lonely for so long
Trapped in the past, I just can’t seem to move on

I’ve been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
Just in case I ever need em again someday
I’ve been setting aside time
To clear a little space in the corners of my mind

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can’t make it through without a way back into love
Oh oh oh

I’ve been watching but the stars refuse to shine
I’ve been searching but I just don’t see the signs
I know that it’s out there
There’s got to be something for my soul somewhere

I’ve been looking for someone to shed some light
Not just somebody just to get me throught the night
I could use some direction
And I’m open to your suggestions

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can’t make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart again
I guess I’m hoping you’ll be there for me in the end

There are moments when I don’t know if it’s real
Or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration
Not just another negotiation

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can’t make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart to you
I’m hoping you’ll show me what to do
And if you help me to start again
You know that I’ll be there for you in the end




kaela @ 12:56:00 AM


today, i am made new.

although i sinned, i am made clean again.

I am going to build a new relationship with Him again. at my saddest moments, i made the mistake of thinking that He has forsaken me. how foolish i was to doubt His very existence, His character.

today, i went into deep prayer. i confessed and repented.

Father is merciful, He forgives. and He restores. He comforts, and He raises us up.

all of today, all that i've read in the bible had to do with people, especially kings, highly exalted figures who have sinned and cast the Lord from their side and not keep His commandments. and they were punished.

i am told, to keep His commandments, uphold His righteousness, and spread His love.

to pursue Him with child-like faith, to pick up the cross daily. to believe and have faith. praise him and bless His holy name in good times, and especially in the bad. to love the unlovable. to give thanks, pray, worship, fast, and love.

One thing i ask, that i may dwell in Your house forever.

He'll never let me go, He'll never leave nor forsake me. today, i enter into a new covenant relationship with my heavenly Father.

Peace that surpasses all understanding fills my heart. love pours down on and out of me.

Jesus reigns in my life.

thanks for your forgiveness and understanding, i'm sorry to have let you down. let's grow tgt and serve the Lord effectively. i'm blessed to have you in my life.


Hands that hold the heavens
Hold my heart tonight
love pierce through my darkness
Glorious light

Words of life eternal
Heal my broken soul
To whom will i go
There's no one else but You alone

Jesus, Jesus
No other name
no one the same like You
the truth, the Life, the Way

Jesus, Jesus
Glory and praise
Our voices we raise to You
the soon and coming King

You are the Christ
Son of the living God
the great I am
i'll follow You till the end


I love You Lord.


kaela @ 12:11:00 AM


hmmm i realised, that the amount i spend charged to my masters, is enough for me to buy the red ipod nano! =/

haha random thought. but i really spend way too much!

sian day, everyone i planned to meet cancelled on me, everyone being xuan and sher. haha so i ended up being the reject i am, lugging the laptop and textbook and a file of test papers and went down to beans to work on my slides and mark.

hmmm was kinda enjoying myself actually, bobbing to the music i blasted on my ipod, and actually singing disastrously along cause people at the next table kept shooting me dagger 'can't you just shut up' stares=/

haha extra note, i think timothy's really cute! hmmm he and travis are the new eye-candies to look out for=)

oh yeaps, met daniel and his kahkees too, and we had a fun time suanning dan=) hmmm but they all did so well! witht heir perfect strings of As. the 3 of them had 6 As, and 2 Bs. WOW. i'm not even close=/ and dan actually scored a B3 for Gp! crap i'm such a loser=/

oh yeah, MUSIC AND LYRICS!! caught that tdy! absolutely fantastic. 5 stars! you guys MUST catch it! the songs and all remind me a lil of high sch musical, but this one has loads of witty humour and different genre of songs thrown in=)

anyone who has "Way back into love", the theme soundtrack, please SEND it to me! =)


kaela @ 10:31:00 PM





kaela @ 11:46:00 AM





kaela @ 11:46:00 AM


hmmm don't know why, but this song always makes me feel emo=/ but it's really beautiful~!

2am and the rain is falling
Here we are at the crossroads once again
You're telling me you're so confused
You can't make up your mind
Is this meant to be
You're asking me

But only love can stay
Try again or walk away
But i believe for you and me
The sun will shine one day
So i just play my part
Pray you'll have a change of heart
But i can make you see it through
That's something only love can do

In your arms as the dawn is breaking
Face to face and a thousand miles apart
I've tried my best to make you see
There's hope beyond the pain
If we give enough
If we learn to trust

But only love can stay
Try again or walk away
But i believe for you and me
The sun will shine one day
So i just play my part
Pray you'll have a change of heart
But i can make you see it through
That's something only love can do

I know if I could find the words
To touch you deep inside
You'll give my dreams just one more chance
To let this be our last goodbye

But only love can stay
Try again or walk away
But i believe for you and me
The sun will shine one day
So i just play my part
Pray you'll have a change of heart
But i can make you see it through
That's something only love can do

That's something only love can do


kaela @ 9:30:00 AM


hmmm been searching around, gg for open houses and all. i think i'll most prob end up in sim... not very keen on gg abroad, and retaking either. so i guess, since ntu and nus prob wont take me, i'll have to go to sim... =/ sigh .

time flies. 1 term's over. next week's the sch hols so i get a break=) hmmm but that means no money=/ i don't know why my money drains so quickly! =/ loads of marking to do though, cause all the test papers given last week have to be marked=/

hmmm i guess there are the usual days hen we do wonder whwere God is in the midst of all this. hence i thought sy roger's sermon today was effective especially so in my case, since i do bear doubt in such areas, with regards to my horrendous results, disastrous family situations and all the illnesses that have been plaguing me. even lost my medicine at cartel on friday=/ perhaps i do need to spend a lil time thinking and asking God what plans He have of me. it's just that i've been feeling so alone and tired and drained and useless i kinda wanted to shut myself off from a lot of people. hopefully things will take a better course in the following days while i take my well-deserved break=)


kaela @ 7:42:00 PM


yes, i did terrible. very very disastrous grades.

i have no idea which uni will want to accept me.

after getting the disgusting grades, i was in no mood to celebrate, so i went to chill off at the airport. spent 3 hours plus alone, staring at non-moving planes parked there, save for the few estatic indians who obviously haven't seen a plane in their lifetimes. went home, headed straight to bed, but mum wasn't gna let me off that easy. and so the anouncement of disgraceful grades commenced=/

awoke the next day with swollen eyes and giddiness in my head, and realised i was down with fever. hence sleep was the only thing i did all day. at 40 degrees, i think i was pretty delirious cause wheni felt better last night, i found really weird messages in my phone that i've sent out. sheesh.

still feverish tdy, so didn't attend svc, and probaby not work tmr either. thank goodness i had the wisdom ansd sense of mind to prepare 2 days worth of relief work before i left on friday. i have no idea how to return to dunearn and face the teachers who would be dying to know my grades. they expect me to do really well, since i was one of the 3 top pupils of dunearn.

sigh. i'm a total disgrace and let-down.

i'll prob be attending U abroad, or retaking As. neither with which i'm excited abt.

feeling giddy again, so i guess that's it. take care guys.


kaela @ 10:02:00 AM